


Four kisses that didn't end well, and one that did

by calie15



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-02 15:44:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4065508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calie15/pseuds/calie15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title speaks for itself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Get out of here,” Skye whispered and pushed Jemma into the crowd of dancers.

Jemma pushed through people, her own heart pounding with the base of the music. Their mission to track some HYDRA agents was about to go up in flames if they recognized her. It was just bad luck that four out of the five potential agents would recognize her from her time undercover.

They’d seen her though and were walking that way.

Jemma ran straight into a hard body and looked up. “Sorry,” she whispered, momentarily caught off guard but the eyes looking down on her.

She looked behind her and could see the top of one of the agents head. Panicked, Jemma looked back up at the man. “You’re not in a relationship are you?”

“What?” He asked confused.

“Are you?” Jemma asked hurriedly.

“No.”

The lights flashed over his face. It was an attractive face to be sure. His face was scruffy, hair long and pushed behind his ears. Jemma was surprised he wasn’t there with some overly attractive woman. There was no time for those kind of thoughts though. “Good. I need a favor. There’s this guy following me.” His eyes flickered up and she would have sworn they narrowed slightly. “And-.” Out of the corner of her eyes she caught sigh of another. “Dammit,” she whispered and grabbed the man’s arm to yank him around to block the HYDRA agents view. “Sorry,” she whispered and raised onto her toes and grabbed the back of his head to kiss him.

It was a stupid thing to do, but Jemma did it anyway. The kiss lasted only seconds and then she pulled away, but just slightly. Her heart pounded harder as she looked at the stranger up close and she couldn’t ignore the way something stirred inside her. “They’re not very nice guys,” Jemma said softly as if trying to explain her foolishness. She begged him with her eyes to understand.

Those eyes she thought were dark were actually blue. They flickered over her face and then he leaned in. Jemma made a soft sound of surprise, but that was it. He slid a hand into her hair and wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her again him, and oh god he felt good. The man was made of muscle.

His tongue slid over her lips and she parted them. She couldn’t help but whimper softly as something resembling need stirred within her womb. Getting turned on in the middle of a mission by a stranger was a terrible idea.

Finally, she came back to her senses. Still clinging to him, and wrapped in strong arms, Jemma pulled her lips away panting and looked up at him. “Thanks,” she said breathlessly. His eyes gave nothing away and his face was stoic. Jemma settled back on her feet and loosened her arms and his own fell away. Jemma took a quick glance around, and seeing the HYDRA agents gone she looked back at the stranger one last time and then hurried towards an exit.

“Everything is clear, I’m heading out,” Jemma said into her earpiece to her team. She pushed open the exit at the back if the club and breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped into the quiet night air. With one glance around she headed in the direction of their car.

“I knew I recognized you.”

Jemma came to a stop and felt her heart stop. “Skye,” she whispered for her friends help and turned slowly around.

“Should I kill you now or take you in,” the HYDRA agent asked as he lifted his weapon.

Jemma never got a chance to respond. A shot was fired and the agent crumpled, then two more, killing the men at his side. She turned just in time to see the man she had foolishly made out with on the dance floor with a gun in his hand and a HYDRA agent walk up behind him.

“Put down the gun,” the agent said.

There was a coldness in the man’s eyes and then he spun around and knocked the weapon from the agent’s hand and then shot him. He lifted it one more time, pointing near her, and fired.

Jemma screamed, but nothing ever hit her. Something hit the ground though and she turned to see the fifth agent dead.

Jemma turned back and couldn’t stop the fear that crept into her. “Thanks?” Jemma said unsurely. “Unless you’re going to kill me too.”

There was hurried footsteps from behind her and Jemma turned just in time to see Sky. When Jemma turned back the stranger was already raising his weapon. “No!” Jemma screamed and stepped in front of his line of fire. His eyes flicked to her. “Not her.”

“Jemma…” Skye began in warning

The ground shook, and the stranger still didn’t lower his arm. It remained aimed at Jemma. “Skye stop.” Slowly the ground stopped shaking.

Those sharp eyes looked behind her, then back to Jemma, and then slowly he lowered his arm. It was then that Jemma heard it, a soft mechanical noise. Her eyes flickered over him and finally noted the flash of metal that was his hand. “Oh,” she gasped and looked at him with a bit of fear.

“Jemma, what is going on. And who the hell is this guy?”

His eyes stayed on Jemma as she spoke. Even in the darkness Jemma could see his features and was able to confirm who he was. What was she supposed to say? ‘Oh, this is the Winter Soldier. I kissed him and I think he saved my life.’ “It’s fine,” Jemma said finally, because she was pretty sure she shouldn’t say anything, not yet.

“Mr. Barnes, when I asked you to meet me I didn’t think we’d have to contend with five dead HYDRA agents.”

Jemma spun to see Phil walking down the alley, May close by his side.

“Making new friends Agent Simmons?” Phil asked with a cocked eyebrow.

Jemma gaped slightly in surprise, trying to answer. “I try sir.”

“Let’s go,” Phil said. “We’ll have someone clean this up.”

Jemma turned, but out the corner of her eye she watched Bucky Barnes follow.  
———-

Hours later, up in the air, Jemma tried to get her mind off things in her lab, but it was useless. Nothing was said about the presence of Bucky Barnes, but no one looked pleased. Phil seemed comfortable with him being there, and that was enough for Jemma, but she could understand the team’s concern. He had been a brainwashed HYDRA agent who had been AWOL for a while. None of them had known he had been found again. And above all, he was dangerous. No one on the Bus was skilled enough to take him out if necessary.

Footsteps drew her attention from her thoughts and Jemma looked up to see the man himself walking by, this time his cybernetic arm exposed by a t-shirt. Their eyes met and he stopped for just a moment and stared at her, then looked away and kept moving.

Jemma couldn’t ignore that look or what had happened.

She hurried from her lab and caught up with him in a hallway. “Why did you let me do it?” Jemma asked and he stopped, but didn’t turn. “I’d imagine you have better things to do then be accosted by a very poor excuse for a field agent running from HYDRA.”

He turned then and looked at her. “Does it matter?”

It was the first time he’d spoken more then one word. Jemma took two hesitant steps forward. “Well, no.” Yes, it did matter, but he didn’t seem to want to answer. “Thank you though. For what you did.”

He only nodded and turned away without a word, leaving Jemma to stare after him in silence.


	2. Chapter 2

The second time Jemma was scared of him and for him.

It seemed the Winter Soldier was still a hot commodity and HYDRA had made a grab for him. They’d succeeded. They’d taken him and wiped him, or at least started to. Jemma wasn’t a part of the rescue, but she knew the process, she knew the pain.

He had been erratic, angry when they rescued him. After two days locked down he had settled and now he was being monitored of his own free will. Jemma came upon him in the gym and she swallowed as he threw a punch at a punching bag. Then he stopped and turned his head, eyes on her, hair hanging in his face, reminding him of how dangerous he could be.

There was no running though. Jemma made her way slowly forward, scared she might make him angry. “Are you okay?”

They barely talked, but there was still that something between them that Jemma could not ignore.

“You mean did I survive with my brain intact or am I going to become an unstable killer.” He words were sharp, angry.

Jemma knew approaching him had been a bad idea, and maybe she had been wrong about that ‘something’. “Sorry,” she said quietly, not wanting to rile him any further, and turned to leave.

He sighed from behind her and it was the most human sound she’d heard him make.

“I’m fine.”

Jemma stopped and turned. Some of the tension seemed to leave his face as he stared at her. “Your memories?”

“There’s gaps,” he responded.

Do you remember me kissing you, she wanted to ask. Instead she just nodded.

“Aren’t you scared?” He asked suddenly.

Jemma hadn’t been, but there was something dark in his voice that bothered her. “No,” she responded, but wasn’t sure she believed that.

He walked forward slowly, bare chested, a terrible scar where skin met machine. “Shouldn’t you be?”

“What do you mean?”

“You have to know how unstable I am. For two days I was restrained because they thought I might kill someone. And I probably would have. And here you are. Middle of the night. By yourself.” When he stopped in front of Jemma he towered over her.

“What point are you trying to make,” Jemma asked, keeping her eyes on his, refusing to break under the weight of his words or stare.

“That I’m dangerous and you should run along like a good little scientist.”

“I’m not scared,” she said firmly. Coming was a mistake, but she wouldn’t let him bully her.

He cocked an eyebrow and his cybernetic arm lifted. Slowly the cold metal slid over her neck. Jemma swallowed as she felt the thumb rest against her throat.

“If I snapped, I could kill you just like that.”

Maybe Jemma was scared. She drew in a breath and exhaled it shakily. “Then do it,” she challenged him like a fool. His eyes drew together in confusion and they flickered over her face. The metal thumb slid away from her throat and his fingers slid against the back of her neck, cupping it.

When he leaned in Jemma squeezed her eyes shut. Lips pressed against hers and she swore she might explode from the feelings of fear and lust. Part of her wanted to run, and the other lean in demanding more.

But he pulled away from the gentle kiss and she opened her eyes.

“You need to go,” Bucky said, this time his voice softer then she could remember.

Jemma swallowed and nodded. His hand fell away and he turned from her. She didn’t need to be told twice. Jemma made her escape and breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed behind her. She refused to even consider why tears stung her eyes as she walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

The third time Jemma had to pull bullets out of him. Her hands had shaken at first, but she had a job to do, and he wouldn't survive if she wasn't at her best.

In the end he was fine. The medical bay was cleared out and he rested comfortably and stable.

Jemma on the other hand was worn out. The adrenaline had left her. She sat there next to him, scrubs and gloves gone, but his blood still staining her clothes from when he had first come in. 

Tears started to wet her eyes and again she refused to contemplate why. Instead she stood up and wiped them away. 

Jemma needed sleep, but before leaving she stepped to the side of his bed and stared down at him in concern. He was peaceful when sleeping, and didn't look half as much like the killer he was. With a sigh she bent over him and pressed her lips to his forehead. 

When Jemma was halfway to the door his voice stopped her.

"Only my mother kissed me on the forehead. I'm pretty sure you aren't her."

A small smile touched her lips and she turned to walk back to his side. "I'm to young to be your mother.

"By about a hundred years."

Jemma fought off a laugh. Bucky Barnes was never funny. He stared up at her with glassy eyes. Lids partially closed.

"Thanks," he finally said.

Any humor she felt disappeared and she nodded. 

"I guess you have some talents besides kissing strangers and being a piss poor field agent."

It was the drugs, definitely the drugs, but that didn't mean Jemma didn't appreciate a different side of him. "I'll have you know I'm a genius."

He snorted softly and his eyes closed again. Jemma opened her mouth to speak, wanting to still talk to him, because he never talked to her, but he needed sleep. With a frown of disappointment she leaned over and pressed her lips against his. When she pulled back his eyes were open again and staring up at her. Jemma paused for just a moment, but he said nothing. "Get some rest."

When she went to sleep that night she tried not to dwell on him.


	4. Chapter 4

The forth time Jemma had decided to stop all the foolishness, to stop pining after a very dangerous man who clearly wanted nothing to do with her. When their eyes met he looked away, when she spoke to him his answers were short. A woman had needs.

So Jemma was determined to put Bucky Barnes and all of his foolishness out of her head. The only way to do that was to find another man to focus on.

That man came in the form of a brilliant scientist temporarily assigned to their team. It turned out it was a lot easier to be attracted to someone who had the same interests as herself and was actually stable.

They talked, had meals together. They laughed, and generally took pleasure in each others company.

He asked her on dates when they landed, took her to interesting places that they both enjoyed.

It was all going well and Bucky Barnes was far from her mind.

There was no aching for more, because the man in her life was more then happy to pay attention to her, kiss her. 

One day as they parted she leaned in, resting her hand on his arm, and kissed him. It was chaste. He held her close and deepened the kiss. When they pulled away he smiled and she returned it. It was when they parted that she saw Bucky standing off to the side in the hanger, eyes on her. Jemma's cheeks flushed and she quickly turned away.

The new object of her affections, a man deserving of them, was to be gone for four days. Jemma threw herself into work and refused to look at Bucky Barnes.

She helped Fitz on one of his new weapons projects. It was late one night when her and Fitz threw in the towel and she went to return their project to the weapons room while Fitz shut down the lab.

It was in the weapons room that Jemma unfortunately came upon Bucky Barnes. Their eyes locked and then she looked away, looking pointedly to where she was going.

"It's not like you to not even say a word."

Jemma carefully placed everything away. "You don't ever have anything to say," she pointed.

"I don't even get a hello anymore, or even a smile."

That ache was in her chest suddenly, and she didn't want it. "Well," she began, "some things change."

Jemma heard the chair move and her heart pounded. Then there were footsteps, closer and closer until he stopped and she knew he was behind her. Jemma breathed deeply, willing herself to have courage, and turned to look up at him. "Can I help you with something?"

"I thought I was supposed to be the indifferent one?" He asked, eyes staring down at her.

At that Jemma had nothing to say. He stepped closer and she couldn't move, she couldn't speak. And when he leaned in she couldn't stop him.

Bucky kissed her once, pulled away and looked down at her, and then his lips returned, this time his real hand cupped her cheek.

And once again Jemma found herself falling. She opened her mouth to let him deepen the kiss and then she was wrapping her arms around him, silently pleading for more. 

It was like the first time, hard and intense. Jemma pushed herself against him and when he grabbed her ass and pulled her close she whimpered. His hands slid over her body, both grasping her ass, and then he lifted her. Jemma wrapped her legs tight around his waist and found herself deposited on a table.

Immediately his right hand slid beneath her shirt and up her back. In turn she slipped her hand beneath the neck of his to feel the muscles shift beneath his skin.

When he pulled his lips from hers it wasn't over. He trailed kisses down her neck, exposing her throat with his hand gripped in her hair.

When he yanked her hips against him Jemma dug her heels into his back and cried out at the pressure where she needed it. 

Jemma wanted him. She wanted the hand around her ribs to slid up further and grasp her breasts. She wanted his lips all over her. She wanted him inside her and making her scream.

The need for him was so intense and frustrating she wanted to cry. So she pushed him away.

Jemma jumped off the table, hating that she still ached, that she could feel the wetness between her legs. "You can't do that!" She cried out angrily. "I have something with someone! You can't do those kind of things just because you want to, because you're being ignored."

"Jemma," he said and stepped closer.

Jemma threw her hand up against his chest and stared at him with what felt like fear. He'd said her name. Bucky had never said her name and it made it so much worse. "No."

Even later Jemma wouldn't be able to understand the look on his face. She might have thought it was hurt, but she wouldn't believe that, she refused. It had disappeared quickly and was replaced with the same cool look she was accustomed to.

Jemma had quickly left, not fighting the tears of frustration.

Three days later she told Coulson that it wasn't necessary for her most recent love interest to return. Bucky Barnes had made sure that whatever interest she'd had in the scientist was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Note: Okay so it says 5 of 5, but this isn’t really the end. I have more written. It just seemed the appropriate place to end it since it only had to do with 5 kisses. The next story will actually be from Bucky and Jemma’s POV.

The fifth time was a disaster. 

Jemma knew one thing, she didn't like being shot. She screamed as Bucky lifted her up. 

"It's going to be fine."

Jemma shook her head with tears in her eyes. "I'm a doctor, I know-." Pain shot through her and she gasped.

"Shut up," he growled. "I said it's going to be fine. You're not fucking dying until I figure this out."

When he left her side she swore it would be the last time she saw him. Jemma tried to memorize the pained look in his eyes as they took her away, she wanted to remember that he had felt something.

It was the feel of a hand that began to wake her.

"This is why I didn't want to feel anything. I knew it was going to hurt."

A foolish part of her swore she was dead, because Bucky Barnes would never speak of his feelings. When she finally opened her eyes his elbows were resting on the mattress near her hips and his face in his hands. Jemma raised her hand and slid her fingers over the skin of his forearm and he immediately looked up at her. "I think I'm hurting more then you," she whispered, throat sore. He only stared. "It was a joke."

"It wasn't funny," he said seriously.

"Am I okay?" She asked finally as she remembered the severity of her injuries.

"Yes, although you'll have two nasty scars."

"Goodbye bikinis," she sighed.

"Stop that," he snapped.

Jemma stared at him. "Another joke," she said softly and a bit confused. The sudden onslaught of Bucky's emotions were confusing for her. "Are we being honest now?" She asked. It was easier to be honest when drugged, she remembered that clearly from his own gun shot wound. "What did you mean I couldn't die until you figured this out?" He just stared at her.

Jemma sighed in annoyance and tried to push herself help only to wince.

"Stop it," he snapped and stood.

Jemma watched as he moved closer and slid his hands beneath her arms to help her up. "Thank you," she whispered as she stared up at him. He paused and started to pull away, but she grabbed his wrist. He looked distressed for a moment and then settled his hand on the mattress and leaned in.

His kiss wasn't a simple press of the lips like it had been, or even rushed and needy like the other times. It was more. It was slow and gentle, and his hand slid over her cheek gently. When he pulled away it wasn't by much. "I want the truth."

Bucky sighed in frustration and stood up, turning away from her.

Jemma was torn between being angry and upset. "I'll ask the questions then."

He turned and looked at her, but said nothing.

"The first time, why did you let me?"

A second ticked by and then he answered. "I wanted to feel something."

His answer was so quick she wondered how long he'd contemplated it. "And the time you were almost wiped?"

That time he looked away and frowned. Jemma waited, and finally he looked back at her.

"Why I kissed you or why I threatened to kill you?"

Jemma faltered at his question. "Both," she said hesitantly.

"I was reminded of how dangerous I could be and you had no business being around me. I kissed you because I was weak."

"When you were shot," Jemma pressed on, getting more anxious as they went along.

"You kissed me."

"You wanted me to," she countered.

"It's easy to forget the reasons not to when your drugged. And...you saved my life. You were still there after with my blood all over you after being up hours saving me.

His honesty at that point made her embarrassed and she looked down at her lap.

"It's hard to remain cold when you know someone actually gives a shit."

Slowly she looked up to meet his eyes. Jemma took a deep breath and moved on. "In the weapons room."

That time he sighed in annoyance and looked away.

"Well?"

"Why did you ignore me?" He shot back.

For a moment Jemma just stared at him, at a loss for words. "I was being realistic. I focused my attentions elsewhere."

"Your attentions," he scoffed and rolled his eyes.

Jemma was taken aback by his sarcasm. It wasn't like him at all. "Yes. What was I to do? Continue to waste my efforts on a man that didn't show any type of emotion?"

"Yes!" Bucky snapped angrily. "Do you think this is easy for me?! Seventy years of having my mind wiped and killing people and you couldn't give me more time then six months?!

Jemma was unprepared for his anger. Even more so she was unprepared to accept that he was right. Part of her recognized it wasn't her responsibility to wait for him to get his mind straight, especially when they barely knew each other. But he had a point. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't think you would care."

He lifted his hand and rubbed his forehead. "I'm not as emotionally lacking as you think. And I may have spent the majority of my life killing people for sport, but at some point I was normal and I used to be pretty good when it came to woman. I know when I'm being ignored, I knew you were doing it on purpose. And I knew if I kissed you you'd let me and then he'd be gone. You're to good to lead someone along."

Jemma broke eye contact then as she sorted through the most recent revelation. "So you sabotaged my relationship on purpose."

"When you say it that way it sounds worse then it really is."

Jemma looked at him. "Really?"

"I was doing the best I could."

Again she looked away and sighed. She was getting tired, and talking to Bucky made her brain hurt. Jemma laid her head back and closed her eyes. 

"I was trying and you wouldn't give me time." 

Jemma opened her eyes, but rolled her head away. "Most people would just ask."

"I'm not most people."

That was the truth. And maybe that was a problem. Bucky would never be normal, he would never be easy.

"I was trying. But then you had to go and get shot."

"Get shot!" Jemma exclaimed and turned to him. Foolishly she pushed herself up into a sitting position and hissed in pain, grabbing her stomach and hunching over. 

"Can't you stay fucking still," he snapped.

Then his hand was at her back and the other on her shoulder guiding her backwards. He leaned in, propping both hands on either side of her head.

"I didn't want this. I knew this would happen. I've had enough misery in my life, and then you had to make me feel things. And even when I didn't want to feel them, when you did the right thing and moved on, I was to stupid and desperate to let you go. And then you got shot. I didn't want that," he said through clenched teeth. "I didn't want to feel like that. When you were in surgery I cursed you for kissing me that one time. For making me have feelings for you and then you were going to die."

It was impossible to explain the feeling of being confronted with Bucky's feelings. She'd spent so much time looking at him as if he wasn't capable of feeling emotions and now every emotion he felt was being thrown in her face. It was almost painful. "I'm sorry," she whispered and heard the tears in her voice that she knew were in her eyes. "I didn't mean to make things difficult, I-."

He slid his real hand to the back of her head and lowered his head to kiss her. Jemma gripped his wrist, the need to hold onto him strong, and arched her neck. When he pulled away his forehead was against hers and he released a shaky breath against her lips. His eyes were closed, and Jemma watched him.

He opened his eyes and looked down on her. "I didn't mean it was your fault."

Jemma raised her head and tugged at his wrist. He came willingly and kissed her again, then pulled away.

"You should sleep."

No, if she slept he'd be gone. Jemma shook her head defiantly. His thumb slid over her cheek and it made her chest ache. That entire time of blank stares, coldness, indifference, and random kisses, she didn't think he had it in him to actually be gentle. "No one sleeps easily in a hospital room," she lied. 

He pulled away slowly and stood. Jemma watched him glance away from her and then step away. Anxiously Jemma watched Bucky grab a chair and pull it close to her bed.

"Aren't you tired?" She asked as he sat in the chair and stretched his legs out.

"You'd be surprised how little sleep I need, now go to sleep or I'm leaving."

Jemma stared at him as he rested his hands over his stomach and closed his eyes. Normally she would have laughed at the ridiculous threat, but she was still shocked that he was there. His eyes suddenly opened and met your own. One eyebrow cocked expectantly. "Sorry, sorry," she said and made herself close her eyes. She fell asleep to the sound of him breathing.


End file.
